look, i'm no fool--bed doesn't provide the best context for getting to know someone--but still when the Blue Light Special invited me to see the apartment he shares in Jersey City i didn't anticipate his living situation would be fraught with so many complications . . . no, i was happy he had decided to let me a little further into his life even if it meant an hour-long commute on a Saturday night when truth be told i would rather have been catching up on my sleep.

have U ever been to Pavonia Newport? . . . u can't beat the views . . . the Blue Light Special resides on the 17th floor of a luxury tower that fronts the harbor . . . Manhattan has never looked more like the Emerald City but a one-bedroom apartment shared by two roommates has never looked smaller . . . i sleep here on a little mattress he said, pointing to a fake white fur rug near a Christmas tree he had decorated that afternoon with real candles . . . think Oliver Twist re-imagined as contemporary porn movie about a gay houseboy down on his luck.

here, he said, handing me a photo album . . . u said u wanted to see snapshots of me. u can look through this while i shower . . . as i began paging through it, i wondered if perhaps he had given me the wrong album . . . this seemed to be a chronology of another guy's travels around the world . . . silly me . . . the Blue Light Special appeared in them soon enough . . . what initially had been described as a brief encounter that began with an on-line hook up in Frankfurt turned out to be a serious relationship with the guy in the photo album that had lasted nearly 5 years and included their move as a couple to New York City shortly after 9/11 . . . in the most recent pages, however, the Blue Light Special had been replaced by a number of tough looking latin and black men, several of whom had posed nude . . . there's the one who stole his wallet he said joining me on the white leather couch . . . we had a threesome with him. but we don't really like the same type of guys.

if the Blue Light Special was embarrassed by his mild deception he didn't show it . . . nor can i say it surprised me . . . what did throw me was when his former lover/current landlord walked through the door while i held his photo album in my hands . . . Thug Lover greeted me cordially enough . . . i thought u had gone to the Westside Club said the Blue Light Special . . . i did and i got what i needed . . . he headed for the refrigerator to make himself a snack . . . and then i decided to come home.

great view i said trying to ease the tension with a little small talk before adding i know all about u now . . . when the Blue Light Special told him that we were going to pick up some water at Shop Rite before his discount coupon expired, Thug Lover laughed and said u are in for an experience. he spends all his time gossiping with the Hispanic women there about the best deals.

the things U learn going food shopping with a houseboy at 11 p.m. . . . like my roommate doesn't like orange flavored water . . . but the Blue Light Special made up for it by giving me the grand tour of Jersey City, one he had conducted many times previously for a steady stream of German visitors . . . he probably knew more about the area, which he had explored extensively on his bicycle looking for places to cruise, than many natives . . . he kept driving north in his roommate's company van until we reached Weehawken . . . this is the first place i take people he said . . . they're very excited to arrive in New York City but they're usually too tired to do much. this view of midtown makes a very big impression on them before i take them home to sleep.

the setting couldn't have been more romantic for a Hollywood screen kiss but we never touched and i don't think it was only because we were surrounded by heterosexual couples . . . is tour guide included among your responsibilities? i teased, alluding to the arrangement he had with Thug Lover . . . in return for a significant rent reduction, the Blue Light Special cooks and cleans . . . on occasion, he reduces how much he pays even more by providing massage service . . . i have my own table . . . oh, really? . . . yes, but he just increased the rent because i've been taking up too much space in the bedroom with some books and records that i have inherited since we started living here. so i charge him more now, too.

Thug Lover had closed the door to his bedroom by the time we returned . . . he slept alone in his jailhouse fuck bed (i knew it was called that because it had appeared on a captioned postcard in his photo album) . . . the Blue Light Special packed a change of clothing into his bag of tricks and we left.

we spent much of the return trip discussing why Thug Lover had cut short his visit to the West Side Club . . . i got the sense he was trying to assert his claim on you when he made fun of how u shop. it's pretty obvious things aren't completely over between u . . . then, staring at the ceiling of my rent-stabilized bedroom, the Blue Light Special admitted that he couldn't afford to live in New York City on his own especially after being spoiled by his high rise lifestyle . . . then don't u think u are playing a very dangerous game? i asked . . . can u really afford to piss off your ex-lover and landlord? . . . after insisting yet again there was nothing sexual between them he giggled and said he treats me better after i stay out all night.

oh.