not only did i hit bottom the other night, to use the jargon of addiction and potential recovery, but i even got some fan mail as a result: u are an excellent fisting top and i hope we can do it again soon . . . not a chance . . . i'd been putting off this guy for nearly a year, mostly because i'd heard from R that he didn’t really bring anything to the table . . . well, not exactly . . . he did bring a bag of tricks, but even that wasn’t enough . . . do u have any toys? he asked as he set his backpack down in my bedroom a half hour after i finally relented and told him to come over . . . he wasn’t really my type: too much damp hair on his head and body and not enough working out . . . but i didn’t feel like going back on line and sifting thru the same flotsam and jetsam all over again . . . let’s face it, U do reach a saturation point in AOL M4M chat rooms no matter how many times u have fine tuned your profile, particularly when U are a man of a certain age . . . so i let him stay but turned off the lights . . . hold up your hand he said as soon as we went into my bedroom . . . it looked like he wanted to play patty cake until i realized he was taking my measure . . . apparently, hands as small hands as mine with closely clipped fingernails are a big plus in FF World . . . he sucked my dick a bit to get things going before removing a Ziploc bag full of surgical gloves, a jar of lubricant and an aerosol can of head cleaner . . . what, is my dick dirty? . . . he disappeared in the bathroom with what looked to be a very large plastic syringe, like something U would use to vaccinate an elephant . . . just tell me if i’m not clean he said when he returned five minutes later, after what i suppose had been a quick enema . . . if be prepared is the motto of the Boy Scouts, then this guy certainly deserved a very special Merit Badge . . . by now i just wanted him gone so i donned one of the gloves without further ado while hoping my hand would remain free of his doodoo . . . he picked up his underwear and sprayed it with the head cleaner before holding it up to his nose and inhaling deeply (oh, i get it now: huffing) . . . i refused a snort of his briefs but did accept the bottle of poppers he offered . . . i guess i was erect but i certainly wasn’t turned on and drifted into sex zombie mode . . . one finger, two fingers, three before he warned me to take it easy . . . U won’t believe what song was playing on my mix tape when he got up on all fours for maximum penetration and his ass greedily swallowed my fist with a loud slurp: Loveholes by Everything but the Girl . . . u like that? he asked looking around as i got intimately acquainted with his rather noisy rectum . . . i avoided his glassy eyes and nodded unenthusiastically . . . his dick wasn’t even hard but he had an orgasm in a New York minute and left a large wet spot beneath his genitals on the towel i had laid down . . . yuuuuuhhhck . . . are we thru? he asked upon returning from another trip to the bathroom . . . u bet we are . . . i wonder if i would have enjoyed it more if i had been attracted to him?