reader, is the chase coming to an end? does rapture really have a roommate in Jersey City? will it be appearing as an adorable elf in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade parade?

god knows i'm no stranger to a great blow job but few have rocked my world as much as the one i got Sunday night from a pretty boy whose unlubricated, rock hard butt pleaded for me to use something bigger than three of my fingers to explore it while i used my other hand to shove his head down harder and harder onto my cock . . . i'm sorry i must go now he apologized as i sat there, utterly sated, thinking how can will i ever be able to give up the Ramble? . . . and this was even before he added, with a slight German accent, ve could meet up later.

my instincts told me it would be okay to tell him i was listed in the phone book, just as they told me not to bring home the Lonely Surfer . . . my instincts also told me he would call but when he walked through my door with a shy smile on his face a couple of hours later i still had to pinch myself . . . hard . . . twice.

i hadn't noticed the Abercrombie & Fitch hooded sweatshirt in the Park but his tight, well proportioned body, ice blue eyes, chalk white teeth and full pink lips added up to the kind of boyish masculinity that Bruce Weber has used to define the brand . . . i left a screening early he explained, adding that he was an actor studying at the HB Studio . . . i could not sit through a movie about a paralyzed man who vants to die . . . normally this kind of statement would indicate an insurmountable divergence in taste but i had seen a preview of The Sea Inside and had to admit that euthanasia might very well be a mood killer when U are horny.

we talked briefly about his career and life in New York before moving into the bedroom, where candles were already burning for the first time in many years . . . the night just kept getting better and better . . . we kissed so long, hard and often over the next five hours that my chin has whisker burn . . . our physical chemistry overruled the creed of nevers that have afforded so much emotional and physical protection since Streisand blew me away with "Never, Never Will I Marry" on her third album . . . never will i be tempted to say i love u again . . . never will i allow myself to be penetrated anally without a condom . . . never will i get involved with someone who appears to depend on the kindness of older strangers.

he laughed when i called him my Blue Light Special . . . it combines a literal translation of his last name and a phrase from the American merchandising lexicon with which he is blissfully unfamiliar . . . not that there was anything tacky about him.

even if i never see u again i want u to know that this has been one of the best nights of my life . . . i have never been more sincere.

was it his brand new bottle of poppers? . . . was it the way he simply repeated u as his eyes bored into mine? . . . was it because he didn't seem to mind that i couldn't keep it up as long as he could? . . . was it the way he kept insisting he had to go but never left? . . . was it the demure looks he gave me in between spoonfuls of his Wheaties in the morning? . . . was it because he brought my paper upstairs after we said goodbye Monday afternoon? . . . or was it because he called me as soon as he got home?

even if i don't have the answers, at least these besotted questions let me know i still believe in the possibility of rapture, however elusive.

but have U ever noticed how people frequently criticize others for their own shortcomings? . . . when we were discussing Bad Education last night on the phone, my Blue Light Special explained when young Ignacio's face split in two, it represented his fall from grace because he understood for the first time how he could use his sexual power to make people do what he wanted . . . silly me, i thought it symbolized how a sweet kid had lost his innocence to a pedophile priest.

so now i have only one question: what, exactly, is the Blue Light Special going to cost me when i return from Copenhagen next week?

damn U Pedro Almodovar!

is the Chelsea Grand at 17th Street and 8th Avenue the ground zero of NYCM4M hook ups? . . . the thought occurred to me as i chained my bicycle yesterday outside the service entrance, not for the first time . . . even the doorman looked as if he recognized me . . . busted!

so what does it mean when your trick tells U he hasn't even had time to use the bathroom even tho it took u 20 minutes to pedal down from the upper west side? . . . U tell me, perceptive reader . . . SpdRacrNYC seemed as jumpy as the fluffy white bark machine that greeted me at the door . . . make yourself comfortable, he urged before closing the bathroom and staying a lot longer than it would have taken to pee.

shortly after the toilet flushed, he emerged and we embraced for the preliminary feel-up round . . . so what if maybe Tina lives here too, he's a great kisser, he can keep his dick hard and i'm horny . . . he led me into the unkempt bedroom and took off his baseball cap . . . instead of revealing your typical bald spot, a shock of magenta hair fell over his forehead . . . a punk Susan Sontag: there's a sexy look . . . well, it wasn't his hair that had made me travel 70 blocks . . . once he lay on the bed and raised his shaved asshole BOING . . . it didn't even matter that his body wasn't as tight as advertised . . . not that U could tell much from the first pic he sent unless u were the kind of superhero he said he was seeking in his profile, one with X-ray vision . . . U see, he wore a Robin costume . . . hey, everybody's got a gimmick but chronologically he was a couple of decades past Boy Wonder status.

too much flattery always turns me off, especially during sex . . . let your actions do the talking. . . i would have eaten his smooth round butt just as readily if he hadn't said u are exactly my type and u are so handsome more than once . . . and i would have fucked him just as hard even if he hadn't asked will u fuck me every day for the rest of my life? . . . shut up and cum already, dude, we just met 15 minutes ago, under circumstances unlikely to engender a LTR.

SpdRacrNYC did cum, thickly--just thrusting the uncut head slowly in and out gets them every time--and then redeemed himself by exhibiting his round butt and smooth, pretty hole in a variety of provocative poses . . . i way overshot the towel he had put down to protect the sheets (now that does deserve mention at my age!) . . . but i couldn't resist calling him on the complimentary motor mouth that had been running nonstop ever since he stripped down to his socks . . . how come if i'm so hot u rejected me before, without so much as sorry, not a match, when my pic was 3 years younger? . . . bet U didn't know i was such a sweet talker.

he couldn't explain his change of heart but the pieces began to fall into place after some get-dressed chit chat . . . an aging chorus boy with a drug problem instead of a permanent address crashing at a friend's place between Jesus Christ Superstar dates . . . looks like he may have been auditioning me for a supportive role in his life . . . but i'm not good enough to play the part of anybody's savior . . . DJ Tiesto get me back uptown as fast as u got me down here.

and sometimes a cigar isn't just a cigar: it's an early warning device . . . if the wind is blowing in the right direction, i know almost as soon as i enter the Ramble if Triple Stogie is occupying my favorite bench . . . this used to be annoying; now it's arousing . . . who knew that cheap cigar smoke could be such a potent sexual stimulant? . . . is this the birth of a fetish?

it could be worse . . . as a teenager, David, my dead ex, used to spend hours cruising the roadside rests in eastern Ohio hoping some closet case would suck him off . . . the smell of shit gives me a hard on he once confessed . . . but not yours he added quickly . . . thank god for little favors.

stocky and in his mid 30s, Triple Stogie looks like he belongs behind a pizza counter in Bensonhurst, where all my fantasy men reside and speak with thick Brooklyn accents . . . but i suspect he lives near the Park given the frequency of his visits . . . he has been a regular for almost a couple of years now . . . initially, he showed up during daylight hours with three cigars wrapped in plastic sticking out of his back pocket . . . Triple Stogie didn't pay much attention to me or anyone else . . . he just sat down, lit up and stayed put until he was all smoked out . . . a lot of guys strive for the butch look; he achieves it aromatically.

last spring Triple Stogie switched to a nighttime schedule, expanding his audience and adding a glowing ember to his performance . . . somebody usually sits near him within moments of his arrival . . . when riding past on my bike in search of a vacancy, i always expected to find a head buried in his lap but he seemed committed to private shows only . . . one night, i finally got my own ticket.

the early bird catches the worm . . . when i claimed the bench before he did, to my surprise, he sat down at the other end . . . would he try to wait me out? . . . his body language answered my silent question . . . he spread his legs and glanced over occasionally, usually after spitting out some tobacco on the ground in front of him . . . i groped myself as casually as a baseball player . . . he did too . . . showtime.

we both took out our cocks and began jerking off . . . yeah, stroke that big dick he growled before blowing smoke in my direction for the first time . . . periodically, he leaned his head back so that his seven inch cigar stuck straight up in the air . . . whenever he inhaled deeply the bright orange glow of the tip might as well have been a neon sign flashing PHALLIC SYMBOL . . . with the cigar still in his mouth he scooted over a little closer and began slapping his thick, heavy cock against his hand . . . oooooh, audio effects too!

the smell, sight and sound of Triple Stogie's erotic shtick got me pretty close . . . i kept hoping he would introduce touch and taste too before he brought down the curtain . . . but as soon as he finished one cigar he immediately lit up another . . . while the flame illuminated the sexy stubble on his face and the broken line of his Roman nose, his action suggested he wouldn't be using his mouth to blow anything other than smoke rings . . . nor did he seem interested in having anybody join us altho more than one hot guy had been eager to do so . . . Triple Stogie zipped up before anyone could get close enough to see what we were doing . . . i eventually let some shirtless runner go down on me . . . Triple Stogie took out his dick but he refused to let the runner do him, too . . . i'm watching him stroke his meat, he said, nodding in my direction as he pushed the guy away roughly . . . my orgasm ended our encounter . . . i left quickly with a bad case of curiosity.

is Triple Stogie an exhibitionist? a sexual ironist spoofing Freudian psychology? or is he into some baroque kind of safe sex? . . . that's part of the appeal of these anonymous encounters: U never really know what's going on in someone else's head . . . the mystery can keep U coming back for more.

Triple Stogie nearly broke the spell when he rejected me a few nights later . . . could his private shows be one-night only? . . . then, twice this week, he sat next to me and performed enthusiastically . . . what gives? . . . maybe he doesn't recognize me . . . or has his audience shrunk because of the chilly weather? . . . in that case he's fucked . . . New York City's strict anti-smoking laws will prevent him from taking his act indoors . . . i, on the other hand, can always subscribe to Cigar Aficionado.