r u familiar with the concept of "transparency" online? . . . i'm talking about AOL's buddy list feature which allows u to see when somebody u know has signed on . . . i think a lot of guys must use it as a fuck buddy list, adding men who they want to fuck and men they'd like to fuck again . . . not me . . . i think it's invasive . . . and not only because B told me what happened to him . . . when he created his buddy list, he enabled the feature that makes it sound like a door is opening or closing when one of your buddies signs on or off . . . i stopped going online because as soon as i did i heard a dozen doors slam shut, he said, only half joking . . . now keep in mind that B is more likely to send an IM that says "u misspelled versatile" than "hot profile," but still . . . isn't there already enough to bruise our egos in the real world without allowing computer technology to do more damage? . . . of course AOL also gives u the option of making yourself invisible, the internet equivalent of caller ID blocking, something i discovered only recently . . . a couple of months ago, i finally caved and started a buddy list when this nice, hunky guy really got under my skin . . . but for some reason his name never popped up on my screen . . . then one day i noticed he was in an M4M chat room . . . i did a member search, which said member is not currently signed on yet there he was plain as day, dropping his gorgeous rod in a fishing hole . . . he must have blocked me . . . how dare he! . . . does he really think i'm going to pester him? . . . do i have to tell u that i destroyed my buddy list with almost as much grim determination as i deleted David's name from the Manhattan phone book when we broke up and he moved to Florida? . . . David would have said not so fast . . . when u assume things about another person, u make an ass out of u AND me he would have cautioned, quoting a therapist who must have spent more time reading aphoristic self-help books than studying Freud (which, by the way, isn't necessarily a bad thing) . . . and David would have been right, of course . . . i discovered that the guy for whom i'd sacrificed my anti-buddy list principles remained invisible no matter which one of my screen names i was using (okay, okay call me Sybil; my principles, such as they are, never stopped me from creating multiple identities, but hey, like the Pet Shop Boys sing, sometimes i think i'm too many people at once and going online allows me to indulge them all tho not at the same time, dammit) . . . so it turned out not to be about me after all . . . my self esteem quickly rose to a functional level . . . i even hooked up with the guy once more (his move) but that doesn't mean i'll be joining the buddy list brigade again any time soon . . . ignorance IS bliss . . . besides, there's always the search member online feature . . . and even if that doesn't work, it can't stop u from spotting the guy on the street, walking home from the gym with his lover.