when i was little, my grandfather took me to a sporting goods store where he purchased some fishing tackle . . . the fly fishing section fascinated me . . . it had dozens of colorful lures, each one guaranteed to appeal to a particular kind of fish . . . kind of like the AOL cruising experience . . . think about it: what are screen names and profiles but lures for the fishermen who drop their lines in M4M chat rooms, the local fishing holes . . . the lurkers outside the rooms, whose names u never see until they nibble at your line by sending you an IM, are the fish (okay, okay some guys are both fishermen and fish but humor me) . . . and size queens really aren't all that different from anglers who always want to catch the biggest fish!

the point of this silly prelude being that i just created a new screen name and profile which seems to hook bisexuals, a new species for me and one an out gay man is unlikely to encounter offline . . . like the guy Sunday night . . . it took less that three rounds of IMs to make a date after we exchanged pics . . . he had the lights turned down a little too low when i arrived but he didn't waste any time escorting me into the bedroom and shutting the blinds . . . i'm so glad u came over he said more than once laying down on his bed where we had straightforward sex that quickly led to mutual orgasm even tho he refused to let me fuck him . . . he pulled his sweat pants back as soon as we finished but if cuddling was out of the question, conversation wasn't . . . he told me about his failed marriage and how child support payments for his young son were eating up the salary he earned as a systems analyst for a leading financial services company . . . will u tell him u are bisexual? i asked . . . no, it's bad enough he already thinks i'm "fancy" / what do u mean? / here, i'll show u . . . he led me into his kitchen, through a living room very decorated with Erte prints and knick knacks from the Far East . . . i collect these, he said proudly, turning on the light that illuminated shelf after shelf of TEAPOTS . . get me outta here! . . . the kid must be relieved Dad lives in Manhattan, not Manhasset, far away from all of his little buddies . . . if i was tempted to sing i'm a little teapot, short and stout, u can imagine how a group of adolescent boys would react.

an encounter with a second bisexual last night left me searching my new profile for clues about its appeal . . . maybe they're misinterpreting the phrase "swing when you're winning," which alludes to a new Robbie Williams CD, not "swinging both ways" . . . once again, a very quick hook up, unusual only because he apologized for sending me a pic of his dick before providing one of his face . . . do u like? he asked, after i opened the cock shot . . . as much as i can see / what do u mean? / all dick and no face doesn't quite do it for me / oh, sorry . . . as it turned out, this exchange told me everything i needed to know about the guy . . . like his predecessor, he was no slouch in the looks or body departments . . . as soon as he walked in he said i'm really horny, grabbed my dick, and spent the next half hour giving me Linda Lovelace head . . . after i shot my wad all over his face, he licked me clean and jerked himself off almost immediately . . . i didn't dress, hoping he might stick around for a probing question or two . . . ain't it great when AOL works? i asked . . . i really don't know he replied . . . this is only my second or third hook up online . . . i don't need cock all the time but i just broke up with my girlfriend so . . . it's all about oral for me . . . nothing else about the gay lifestyle appeals to me . . . i don't like kissing, anal . . . 75% of the self-identified gay men i've had sex with didn't blow me as well or as enthusiastically as this fellow who insisted he was going to get married, have kids and give up cock . . . just like that.

so now that i've landed two, what generalizations can i make? . . . they don't jerk u around . . . neither fish sported any of the markings i associate with gay men in turn-of-the-century NYC (tight t-shirt, goatee, buzzed or shaved head, tattoo, piercing, 2xist underwear, etc) . . . their screen names and profiles lack the sexual explicitness favored by the more colorful fish u typically find in M4M chatrooms . . . they define their masculinity, something both emphasized in their profiles, based purely on their physical appearances since it's a quality that i don't usually associate with collecting teapots or sucking cocks . . . they cool down very fast after sex . . . in short: hot sex, cold fish.