first a goatee, then a blog now a pierced bellybutton . . . am i going through a textbook case of a midlife crisis or what? . . . everything i know about piercing i learned from Daria who got a navel ring just to please Trent, the guy both she and i have a crush on (is it sick to have a crush on a straight cartoon character? . . . he's so coooooooool) . . . anyway, i just returned from Triple XXX Tattoo in the garment district . . . after carefully laying out her equipment (rubber gloves, Q tips, Bactine, forceps, a piercing tool that resembled a nail without a head, a ring and a bead) on a stainless steel tray, a shy young multiracial woman with a lion grabbing both her shoulders told me to lay back and lift up my shirt while Billy Corgan sang in the background . . . "breathe in hard, and out" she instructed, once, twice and a third time before i finally felt the tip of the piercing tool break completely through the fold of skin she had clamped together . . . i hope i can stand the itching as it heals better than Daria . . . according to the aftercare instructions, i have to avoid both the pool and the sauna for a month to prevent infection . . . that will be very hard for this instant gratification junkie since exhibitionism was definitely the primary factor in my decision to join the pierced crowd.

FLASHBACK: i'm feeling up some preppy looking guy five or six years ago and discover that his navel is pierced, which excites me tremendously . . . "if i pull on it will you say 'please fuck me,' like some gay sex doll?" . . . he laughs and says "people look at me differently now. it definitely gives me an edge I didn't have before, especially at the gym."